“Alzheimers, Sometimers, no, it’s TECKHEIMERS”

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When I was younger, I thought of myself as a “tekkie.” This is a person that is comfortable with the advent of new technology, willing to learn, purchase and possibly repair if need be. For example, I installed a cassette-tape player in my 1966 powder blue 4-door Dodge Coronet in 1972. Now, remember, that was during 8-track’s heyday. I could see it coming. 8-tracks were doomed! I went from that experience to purchasing a VHS video recorder in 1978 at Kaufmann’s in the mall, one of the first 100,000 people to own one. I knew the competing Beta system wasn’t going to make it. On a sidebar, I paid $1,000 ($1,400 brand new) for a Panasonic demo with tuning knobs (remember those) and blank VCR tapes cost $25 a piece at the time. I received for a Christmas gift my first of several Sony Walkmans (cassette player with headphones, i.e., the precursor of the Ipod) in 1980. I thought I was “all that” as I cross-country skied listening to my tunes. I purchased a color video camera in 1981 so my wife and I could capture our daughter’s first steps (I won’t tell you I have video of my 5 month old daughter in a leg cast as a result of a fall from the bed above the cab in a motorhome. For the longest time I called it the “bad daddy” story.) I used to laugh at my father-in-law and what I interpreted as his lack of technological savvy. He never did figure out how to program his VCR. Ha-Ha. .). I share this to say, there was a time when I was a “technological stud.”
So, buying an HDTV became the beginning of my middle-age descent into what I call, Teckheimer’s. (Check out the newspaper article in an adjacent link that chronicles a local man’s stupidity when purchasing a new television. I took a lot of ribbing for that one. Ha-Ha.) This is not to be confused with “Alzheimers” or “Sometimers.” It is the anxiety and forgetfulness associated with trying to use, program or repair relatively unfamiliar technology. I mentioned laughing at my in-laws, nevermind that my father-in-law was a camera buff and had a collection of 35mm cameras and over 3,000 slides. Nevermind that he was responsible for the 8mm filming of the high school football games during a portion of his teaching tenure. He like many of his contemporaries succumbed to this insidious condition with the advent of the VCR.
Maybe it has to do with turning 54. I hope not, but I am without explanation for the deterioration of my technological acumen. My wife and I recently purchased his & her cell phones. Prior to this, she had the cell phone and I borrowed it when I wanted to talk to family in Pittsburgh. I thought cell phones were for making and receiving phone calls. How foolish of me. I swear with a touch of a button, my son’s Motorola Razor opens into an Olympic sized swimming pool, with a fully loaded espresso bar. I had difficulty figuring out the ringtones let alone attach a downloadable song for every different person that may call. For my son, this is in addition to a photo that pops up when the person calls. Apparently, the photo is attached just in case you don’t associate the song with the right person. Maybe it is vice versa. I had flashbacks of my impatience with my father-in-law as my son grabs the cellphone from me to attach something other than the “dorky” ringtone (his word) I was using. He wanted me to download a “special” ringtone for when he calls. I protested. He finally relented. I didn’t get the cell phone for the Olympic size swimming pool.
With my Teckheimers condition, it is only a cellphone. I don’t text message, use the calendar or calculator, download TV programs or connect to the internet. Lord help me, I’ve become what I used to laugh at. Technology has gone by me. I’ve tried to make it not so, but it has. Oh yes in our home, we have digital cameras, DVD burners, CD burners, all-in-one printers that fax, scan, copy and print in color. Which brings me to the whole topic of computers. My Teckheimers is particularly bad when the company that makes whatever software I use decides that this program is to be updated. And screens popup on my desktop monitor asking me if I want to update. Now, I’ve just gotten used to the old outdated software and I DON’T want to update. So, I hold the update off as long as I am able. But of course at some point, they make you update and then I have to go through that “learning curve,” where nothing makes sense and all the buttons that used to be so-o-o-o user friendly are removed and embedded into some other button. And for the life of me, I can never find it. Everything is supposed to work so much better. And what about the high-speed internet service and the wireless router. I won’t tell you how many times I have to unplug, reboot or call for support. The funny thing about calling for support, which usually happens after several hours of unsuccessful tries repairing it myself is as soon as I get a person to talk to and of course it is after a rather lengthy wait, the internet service decides on its own to start working again. Heh, how in the heck does it do that anyway? Then I feel pretty sheepish with the customer service tekkie. My Teckheimers is showing.
But there are occasions when I still have glimpses of brilliance. Now, for the over 30 (or maybe 40) crowd, in case you don’t know YouTube is on the scene. These are brief video clips of anything and everything. In some cases it is America’s Funniest Home Videos, in other cases it is Adolescent Egocentrism (i.e., watching teenagers from around the world trying to be funny, serious or thought provoking. Most of it is bad bathroom humor with farting and nose-picking.) at its finest and clips of just about anything imaginable. Well, to make this short I had a moment when the Teckheimers lifted and everything was so clear. Everything made sense. I love music and last year I made an attempt at singing with my son’s Jazz Ensemble at Mercyhurst College. My wife recorded the brief rendition of Cab Calloway’s “Minnie the Moocher” on her tiny digital camera. That’s right, digital cameras can take short videos. My other son told me he wanted to post the video on YouTube so his friends and other family from around the country could have the experience. Well, guess what, this son had trouble figuring out how to do a posting on YouTube and had to leave town before he could make it happen. And you guessed it. I decided that the ol’ man should give it a go. I got online and of course didn’t have the software to convert this rather large file into something acceptable for YouTube. But after several hours of playing with it and tweaking the file, I was successful in my posting. What an experience to have my daughter in Virginia watch the video while I’m on a cellphone listening to her reactions. Technology is not all bad. Ah, the sweet taste of success. It made me think of the Sesame Street book I read to my children titled, “I Can Do It Myself.” One victory in what feels like a series of ongoing mistakes. I won’t tell you how many times I have made a problem worse thinking I know what I am doing. Well, anyway, go to YouTube and check it out. There’s a link on this blog under “Mercyhurst Matta Moocher.” I’ve had over 1,000 hits (That’s the number of times the video has been accessed to view). And no, I’ve not watched myself 900 times, maybe half a dozen or so.
I’ll be interested in hearing how many of you have Teckheimers and just so the younger crowd doesn’t get too full of themselves, new technology is coming. And a time will come when your children yank whatever you have in your hand and show you how to use it. You’re laughing right now, but they will laugh in the end. And you know what, I bet your great grandchildren will laugh at your grandchildren when the time comes as Teckheimers takes another victim

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Tags: 8-track, cassette, cellphone, family, grandchildren, life, parenting, text message, VCR, YouTube