I am around six years old and our hunting Beagle, Bootsie, had a fairly large litter of pups. The advantage of living on a farm is you experience birth and life in real time. I do not recall much of the births of these pups, but I remember my fascination with them for weeks after they were born. Bootsie was a wonderful family pet in addition to being my dad’s hunting dog. Her disposition with the children in the family was very sweet. She would even let us get close to her pups and hold them. I would sit near her dog house and watch the pups all nestled in either eating or trying to stay warm by cuddling as close to her as they could get. There were at least 10 or 12. They were everywhere around her. As I watched the look on Bootsie’s face and how gently she handled the pups, I couldn’t help but wonder what that would be like to have little pups snuggled into me. I wanted that experience. So, I decided I would see what that was like. I coaxed Bootsie out of the doghouse and then very carefully crawled inside. There was some hay my dad had put down as bedding and I moved a few pups to make a space in the middle where I could lay. I positioned myself on my side and very quickly the pups moved in all around me. And this is happening as Bootsie watches from the arch shaped opening of the doghouse. The pups made those almost inaudible whelps and tried to root and suck on all parts of my body and clothing. The feeling of closeness and warmth was so-o pleasant and indescribable. But it only took a few moments before most of the pups began to urinate and make droppings everywhere. When I began to feel and smell the puppy urine and excrement and see it on my clothes the moment was lost. I got out of Bootsie’s doghouse as quickly as I could while being aware of the whereabouts of all the pups. Bootsie immediately returned to the center of the hay pile bedding and the pups returned. What a great moment and experience!
Freud may have spoken about women and their penis envy, but nowhere in his writings am I aware of womb envy. But if there is womb envy, this is what it would look like.
