Well, almost everyone in my family was overweight or obese. But, interestingly enough, I think the negative sentiment is worse today. I’m waiting for public sentiment to become so judgmental of fat people that we will rework Santa’s appearance to that of a svelte Arnold Swarzenegger type with a six-pack instead of that big belly. Genes do have a part to play. I was a regular kid until 6th grade, then the Sylves’ girth gene kicked in and I became “fat ass.” I don’t know what it was about the buttocks in this family heritage, but everybody has it. And in the beginning, I really didn’t think much of it. But when I started losing at tag to the point that I was “it” and couldn’t catch anyone else, the issue became a bother. What follows are lots of names and much teasing at the hands of the neighborhood children and schoolmates. In 7th grade, the teasing took some new twists and included children from two other elementary schools in addition to the one I came from. And with my cotton, blonde hair, someone came up with the nickname, “the Albino elephant.” So, a group of guys would be in the hallway and see me and together three or four of the guys would put their arm up to their nose and sway the hand and forearm like an elephant trunk and holler, “Here comes the Albino elephant!” This was immediately followed by a sound that was to represent an elephant. I’m sure they saw that on “Wild Kingdom.” It was the popular television program similar to Animal Planet when I was a middle-schooler. The topper was in 7th grade music class. One of my friends rearranged the words to “Dixie.” And he bellowed out the new lyrics this way. If I remember correctly, I think it was the second verse. This way he could catch the music teacher off-guard and she might let it slip by. “Buckwheat cakes and injun’ batter make you fat like Tommy Matta, look away, look away, look away, Dixieland.” Well I figured two could play at that game and changed the words to the following song. I don’t even remember the name of the song, but the lryic I changed said, “V——- dressed in Monkey’s clothes, Old Aunt Jemima, Ooo-hiii-oo.” It definitely was not as creative as my buddie’s use of Dixie, but I did save face in the class, because nobody could sing louder than me. Well, I was pretty distraught by the whole ongoing experience of being related to in a “you are lesser” way. So, when I got home my mom could tell I was feeling pretty low. She asked me what was wrong? I whined about being called “fat ass” all the time and added the new experiences of the Albino elephant and new lyrics to the Dixie tune in music class. My mom looked at me and motioned me to come over to her. She put her arms around me and said, “Honey, you ain’t fat, you’re huskey!” She went on to talk about my grandfather, “Big Jim, and other rather large people in the extended family with such pride. “Don’t let those boys bother you, they just wish they were as big as you are and as big as you’re gonna be.”
Now what is fascinating is thinking about this using a sociological lens. George Herbert Mead borrowed a concept from Thomas Horton Cooley called “the looking-glass self” to describe how we read other people’s feedback as an evaluation of who we are or how we are performing. The idea of a looking-glass self is a mirror where we see the reflections of others as a reflection of our actual self. These boys were teasing as boys often do, but based on how I read this negative feedback without my mother’s alternative interpretation, I ran the risk of believing their assessment of me. I had a weight problem for the three years of middle-school, but by the time I got to 10th grade, my height thinned out my girth. This concept of the looking-glass self continues to be a powerful explanatory tool in understanding identity and self-concept. And teachers and parents need to be aware of the messages children receive that may hamper their self-esteem. I believe this explains the body dysmorphia many girls and women experience. (85% of women do not like their bodies.) The negative comments people make, let alone the ones children shower on each other, should always be taken with a grain of salt. Caution children when you see this happening. Encourage children to look in the mirror of the people that love them to see who they are. And if the assessment from home seems particularly biased towards the negative, suggest to them that they read the feedback gestures of people in the extended family or broader social network that give a more balanced portrayal. Children may ask how do you know who to believe, it usually lies in those you feel safe with and that you know you can trust.
1 Comment
April 20, 2008 at 10:01 pm
I do remember my brother being teased, but he left out quite a bit of the story. When growing up Tom was idolized because he was such a beautiful child. His hair was not cotton but a beautiful head of blond hair (like Jody on the Family Affair but better). When we would go to Church the old ladies would just fuss and coo over old blond boy. Me and my younger brother Jim would be invisible. Tom was quite the extravert and he had no problem basking in the adulation of his senior groupies. He also excelled at scripture racing when we were down in the basement having Sunday school at our little church on Jones Ave in North Braddock. I, on the other hand, had a hard time finding the table of content. Today, his golden locks have turned gray, but the old ladies at church still like him:).