Without coaches, most athletes would never advance their skill level beyond the natural talent they were born with. At the ideal end, football coaches are wonderful mentors who use their love of the game to teach beyond the heightened skill level and excellent team play to broader lessons about life. And part of that process is teaching boys about how to subdue an opponent, whether individually or as a team. But this is where I think coaching reveals its dark side. From my perspective, there is a thin line between a pep talk and a tirade. And many coaches do not know the difference. A pep talk is a kind of Knute Rockne inspirational speech that taps into the emotional level of a player enhancing his determination for a skilled performance. A tirade is an attempt to shame a player through belittling remarks and humiliation in an effort to improve his performance. It’s used in instances where the player is being physically beaten by his opponent or in those instances where the coach deems the player as not aggressive enough in his overall play. When coaches go from a pep talk to resorting to a tirade, they become scumbags in my estimation. And they actually are unaware how for most players it negatively impacts their play as well as the perception the player has about the coach. It is the rare player that responds to this form of cruel encouragement with an improved performance. (There is one guy that does seem to get benefit from the tirade. Guys who have had older brothers that beat on them unmercifully. The little brother takes it only so long, then gets mad and retaliates.) And in the end, the player reflects on the coach in lesser terms. The coach is now seen negatively as a person. And when the boy goes to young man and adult, he remembers these experiences even more negatively than when he first experienced it.
My experiences early on were more the Knute Rockne type. I do not recall a coach in the Termites, Mighty-Mites or Midgets relating to boys on this level. They would try to get us to be more aggressive, but never by doing a character assassination in front of the whole team. They might smack us on the helmet or give us a kick in the proverbial pants and tell us they know we can play better, but it never was contempt for who we were as ballplayers or people. My first experience with a Scumbag was in Junior High. It was half-time in a game we were losing and playing poorly. Our head coach singles me out and says something like this. “Matta, what the f— do you think you’re doing out there! You are such a disgrace and embarrassment to Scott High football. I don’t know why you even suit up for this game. You’re such a f—ing loser! Oh, your coaches (from last year) said, ‘wait til you see Matta.’ What a bunch of bullshit! I don’t see it! We’ve wasted a uniform on you! I’ve seen girls play better!” The words are one thing, but the guy is literally foaming at the mouth, screaming this venom, looking like he’s going to have the vein in his neck explode and his eyes are as hateful as one can imagine. I know now that he was trying to light a fire under me and this team. I think I even understood that at the time. But it had just the opposite effect. And I never saw that coach in the same way after that. Instead of infusing me with energy and ethusiasm to enhance my performance, I felt as limp as a wet blanket and went through the motions of the game. As a 13 year old, I found myself questioning my worth as a player and person. I became so full of anger at the coach and self-loathing for my poor performance, I decided to do what any self-respecting ballplayer the next game. And, no, it was not redouble my efforts to improve my performance. I feigned illness and stayed home the day of the game the following week. I don’t know how I discovered this, but if you take a rubber band and chew on it, it will make your glands swell. I could make them swell right nicely. I’d tell my mom I didn’t feel well and just like that, I’d have the day off. It worked beautifully. The coach even called the house to see why I wasn’t at school pleading with my mom that if I could get in within the next 30 minutes I could still catch the bus and play in the game. My mom was a wonderful mother and stood her ground. “He’s sick today and I don’t care if you’re playing the McKeesport Little Tigers, he’s staying home.” When I went to practice the following Monday, he just glared at me. But I think he got the message because nothing like that ever happened again. He did use that tactic with other players throughout the year, but not on me.
Now contrast the negative from one of my coaching heroes. Fran Rogel was my high school football coach. He happened to be an All-American at Penn State and played fullback for the Pittsburgh Steelers playing in the pro-bowl in 1954. Coach Rogel could get fired up like any coach, but I always felt he was in my corner, even if he benched me for a bonehead play. He’d say things like, “Get your head in the game, Matta!” Of course I would try to plead my case saying, “I thought….” And Coach Rogel would interrupt me saying, “I thought took a shit and died. Don’t give me that. Come on’ I expect more from you. We’ve been working on this play for weeks. If you don’t make that f—ing block the whole play explodes. Run it again!” There is a challenge and some disappointment expressed here but without the shaming. Most of us would have taken a bullet for Coach Rogel. He would get angry, but you always felt valued. He was that positive and influential.
I’ve mentioned that I teach Human Growth & Development classes at Mercyhurst College. We use my book, “The Voices of Men” to talk about the purpose of tirades in toughening a boy on his journey to become a man. But the students tell me in class and in their reaction papers that this Scumbag behavior continues. And it is not limited to football, or sports generally, but can be found in music, dance and theater.
It’s interesting the liberties adults take with children and young people in an effort to teach a skill. If they only knew what damage it does to the person to say nothing of how little positive effect it has on performance, maybe coaches (or dance teachers, band and theater directors) wouldn’t resort to such extremes. We’re in the 21st century. I expect more.
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